I am possessed of a heart that can’t be trusted.
  

Anonymous asked:

wait i totally missed the post ppl are mad about i bet it's rly funny pls show me

Ok so I’m not sure how to even begin here but this post (which I edited and is purposefully so specific and so sloppy it’s part of the joke) started circulating

https://jimmyfury.tumblr.com/post/675061152896647168/god-can-you-imagine-if-donald-trump-became

But someone noticed it was edited and was spamming the SHIT out of my notifications replying to every person like the town fucking crier all “THIS IS FAKED” so I blocked them because it was annoying as fuck. They took personal offense and basically made a call-out post on it, which also got circulated:

https://lastvalyrian.tumblr.com/post/693118389055635456/god-can-you-imagine-if-donald-trump-became

Note: the person who I blocked apparently later said they felt bad about what they said and I bear no ill will towards them.

Anyway the fact that I made a joke sent so many people into a murderous rage that it’s only my sheer stubbornness that has kept my ask box open and prevented me from turning the reblogs off the post. I will not be cowed. I will not stop lying. I will continue to falsely prophesize.

kickasstorrents-deactivated2023:

lets all drill holes in our heads for more room for God

(via bigbangfieri)

fullmetalfisting:

The amount of drama that’s occurred over the broken soda machine in the break room has straight up taken over my job. Literally a third of what I do is handle complaints about it and drama generated over it

Every morning I open this vintage fucking soda machine from 1982 that’s just a really big refrigerator and take out a bunch of sodas and put them on the counter and have a little lock box for people to put money in if they take a soda and people come into my office like “hello I saw Angel take a soda without paying” and apparently another employee turned it over trying to get quarters and ones to come out of the coin slot and I’m like. Holy Christ I have like, actual work to do

lostcryptids:

image

🗣️ TAKE HIS ASS TO THE CUTE PINK SAW TRAP

(via iamnotbright)

sang-the-sun-in-flight:

tiny–cryptid:

OK this question has been bugging me all morning so y'all please let me know

did your childhood vomit bowl also double as a popcorn bowl?

Yes

No

Vomit bowl??? (see results)

bc ours did nd I never thought much of it as a kid but know I’m thinking about it and it feels kinda gross? so pls tell me if this experience was universal or not it will haunt me forever otherwise

what do you MEAN 40% of you fuckers didnt have a vomit bowl did you just obliterate your carpet when your stomach flu having ass woke up suddenly at 3am and needed to hurl IMMEDIATELY? did y'all just never ever get stomach bugs growing up??

(via zicko)

wildersage:

the impulse to hide what I’m doing at my computer still sits so deep even tho I’m literally never looking at anything objectionable , the door will open and I’ll hurry to close the page like oh fuck no one can know I’m looking at the Wikipedia page for the Balkans

(via starmaximum)

bitterintandem:

tragic and heartbreaking, guy who wants to have conversations can’t think of conversation topics

(via thrashersasuke)

fanghusband-remade:

im not built for this 9-5 life im built for living in a gothic castle as a vampire

(via starmaximum)

It’s my first day wearing a DivaCup and I’m p sure I put it in wrong because you’re supposed to turn it 360 degrees inside of you but my vagina is not at all stretchy enough for me to get my fingers up there to do that while there’s an enormous cup inside me. Maybe I should have gotten the one for teen girls?

The amount of drama that’s occurred over the broken soda machine in the break room has straight up taken over my job. Literally a third of what I do is handle complaints about it and drama generated over it

fullmetalfisting:

Me, flirting: hey so i have a coupon for couple’s horseback riding lessons and you look like just the right size to ride pillion 😏

Me, trying to pretend I’m not afraid of the horses: Oh maybe I’m the better size to ride pillion

apricops:

apricops:

Yeah sorry we revised your boyfriend based on new archaeological evidence. Turns out that the fall of the Western Roman Empire affected him a lot more than we previously thought. Yeah he’s malnourished and had no access to trade goods now, sorry

Hey sorry we revised your boyfriend again based on other archaeological evidence. Turns out the fall of the Western Roman Empire didn’t hurt him that bad. Yeah his local warlord-chieftain still maintained a network of patronage and connections with Mediterranean trade routes, we found foreign pots in his burial site. he might’ve even been literate

(via milfsmackdown)

scleramotif:

scleramotif:

its crazy how some names last forever and some dont. we had marcus antonius and guys today are still named mark or anthony. we had ten million english kings named charles or james or william and we still have those. hannibal was a carthaginian general and it couldve last longer as a name if it wasnt for hannibal the cannibal. but no guys are named gaius or octavius anymore. so many names are now considered old people names bc theyre not popular anymore. how do names go out of style or last so long like what the hell

TRANS MEN ! we need more gaius pompieus octavius titus magnus sextus the younger

(via gonewiddershins)

hootenanie:

people really used to talk in a way. i remember i was reading this paper a while ago about homophobia in hippie scenes and this guy shared how when he was living in the haight with his boyfriend one evening two young woman came round and tried to fuck them and when they realized they werent interested one said to the other “this is a fag pad, let’s split!” before leaving. which i’m sure was very hurtful and i dont want to make light of that. she shouldnt have said it. but also god i think of that sentence all the time

(via sydmarch)